But after listening to a webinar about clearing our your money blocks (I'll do another post on this shortly), things took a huge turn. One particular piece of information I took away with me was that you need to be comfortable with having excess before you can save anything. I am a culprit for spending every last cent in my bank account just because its there.
What's that? $5 left in my account? I'd better go and buy a magazine then!
If I had it in my account, I'd spend it. Even if I didn't have it, I'd still spend it by using the overdraft that sometimes worked, sometimes didn't. I have never saved. I was shit at it. I'd blow it all out my ass and then tell myself that I'd put some of my pay away the next week. Big. Fucking. Lie. That is well and truly biting me in the butt now in my adult years. I had to get a loan for my first car, admit to having more than one payday advance loan and had to rely on my hard-working Mr P to come up with the deposit for the house we're building. I feel sick with guilt just thinking about how much I've had to rely on avenues other than my own to get what I want.
This week is a hell of a lot better. I can confidently say that all that bullshit is out the window. I might not be a millionaire right now, but my savings account is holding a little excess right now. A whole $11 is burning a hole in the bank. That's not much to some people, but its a huge turning point for me. Seeing it go up each week, even if its only a few bucks at a time, is motivation enough to keep doing it.
Its like I was afraid of having excess. I'm not sure if its because I didn't think I deserved it or maybe because I felt like I was missing out if I wasn't spending it on something. Now, I actually have a healthy relationship with money and I love it! Everyone loves money, I know, but even though I am still broke as fuck I'm not scared of it or intimidated by it. I'm thinking about it constantly, but only because I want to learn more about it and how I can attract it. I actually love my money and it seems to be loving me back!
Jess x
Sometimes hiding your excess helps, too?
ReplyDeleteHave a secret squirrel saving account without a bank-card and make it hard to remember your log-in code. Then, to transfer any money or check your balance, you have to go and find your long-in code and...ugh....it's at home/too much work to find/in the cold part of the house...
I tried that, but I would never remember to transfer anything into it, or set up an automatic debit. More out of laziness that anything! Now that I can see it going up, even if its just a small amount at a time, I'm motivated to add more.
DeleteGreat read Jess! Willing to take a good hard look at your life and your spending habits are admirable and inspiring. How fkn good does that $11 look in there? Great start baby...can't wait for updates!
ReplyDeleteI have never thought about it that way. I always make a mental note of how much I have to SPEND this month, and that generally means down to the last $10. If I do really well and don't buy a lot of useless junk, I'll wind up with $100 or to put in savings after paying bills...or at least that's what I should do. Instead I'll find a way to spend it. It's like I hate the idea of having leftover money or something. lol
ReplyDeleteI guess the first step is admitting you have a problem...???? lol
Thats exactly what I felt like. I was afraid of having excess money and wondering what I might be missing out on if I dont buy something with it!
DeleteOMG!!! So proud of you! We are so alike. I have $20 in a savings account. $20 is not much at all - but for me it is HUGE!!!!
ReplyDeleteTell me more about your payday loan. Do you still have some? I did that for awhile and now I am paying then off. I will NEVER do that again. They are deadly!!!
Keep writing, I LOVE reading your blog!
Hey Amajon,
DeleteThanks for the nice words! I intend to keep writing!
I'm actually going to do a post on payday advance loans this week so will smash it all out there.